Our Vacation!

So to be on a positive note..I thought I'd post about our vacation. JJ's parents have a time share in Palm Desert at Shadow Ridge and took the family there for a week! We had a great time, I have never been to that part of California before so it was fun to see something new. Shadow Ridge was so nice, I didn't ever take any pictures of it but here's a link if anyone is interested in seeing it http://www.marriott.com/hotels/photo-tours.mi?marshaCode=ctdsr&pageID=HWGLF&imageID=1
We stayed in Mesquite on the way out..which yes I did gamble for the first time, I took a whole $10 to spend and lost about $4.50 and then ended up winning $13 back but was greedy and played $3 more trying to win more and didn't do so..but came out $5 richer lol.
We then traveled to Palm Desert and stayed there till tuesday and then went to San Diego for 2 days and then back to Palm Desert for the rest of the trip.
While we were in San Diego we went to the Zoo and Seaworld, it was a blast to see Kyler with all the different animals, he was kinda grumpy the day we went to Seaworld because he didn't sleep well the night before so he was tired but I think he ended up having a good time still.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

* While at the Zoo we went past the merekats-(like timone on lion king) and there was one that was right up against the window running back and forth. Kyler thought it was hilarious and was giggling and screaming at it..soon we had a crowd around him laughing at him because everyone thought it was so funny he was laughing so hard over the merekat running around.

* Also at the Zoo, I like getting pictures of him on all the brass animals, we were over by the hippos and we had put him on one, there was a group of college students behind us waiting to get a picture and they were all talking and saying how cute he was, one of their phones went off and Kyler started to "dance" It was so funny, and everyone laughed and he liked all the attention so he kept doing it.

* We had a similar experience with the monkeys that were swinging around as we did with the merekat.

* Kyler got to pet some goats in their petting zoo.

* The whole time we were out there and while we were there he said mama and nana! This is exciting because we haven't heard mama for awhile and nana is new!

*At Seaworld they had some people dressed up as some of the different animals..his favorites that we were able to get pictures with were the otter, polar bear, and turtle. He didn't know what to think of the penguin!

*He was grumpy during the Shamu show but we found a little walk way area thats just to the side of the stadium and you can still see the show from, and he then loved it and would giggle and scream when the whales would jump.

*He loved the birds that were in the dolphin show..we also got to see when the feed the dolphins and they brought one close to where we were standing and he wanted to jump in the water with it!

*He went on his first kiddie rides while we were at Seaworld..they have a little kid area where they can run around and play in the water or sand and a bunch of different things and they also had some rides the two we went on were similar to the tea cups at Disneyland and the airplanes. He loved them both!

*He also got his first sunburn..even though we put sunscreen on him twice that day!

*We stopped at the San Diego Temple on the way back. We got some great pictures of the temple, and Kyler loved running around through the grounds.

*We also stopped at la Jolla beach on our way back, Kyler got to put his feet in the ocean for the first time. He was more interested in playing with my sunglasses than playing in the sand or water.

*We all loved the pools at hot tubs at Shadow Ridge, Kyler even got to go down the slide at the pool.

*On the drive home he said dada for the first time, we thought we also heard papa a few times!

* JJ got pulled over on the drive home too right after we got out of Cedar City! I had to put this just to give him crap about it..we didn't end up getting a ticket thankfully though.

There is alot more I could go on about but I will end it there lol...and let the pictures do the rest of the talking...if you don't wanna have to sit through all the slideshow you can go to my facebook albums and view the pictures there:)

Update from the last post...

So I had my doctors appointment yesterday and she confirmed I did have a miscarriage. There wasn't anything that came up on the ultrasound...which was the moment it really hit me hard. I knew going in that was probably going to be the case..but not see a heartbeat or anything on the screen honestly broke my heart all over. They ran my blood to see if my hcg levels were raised and they were but she figured I was about 7-8 weeks along, they are going to test again in two weeks just to be absolutely positive. But being around 8 weeks we should have been able to see something on the screen if there was going to be anything there and there wasn't. I had kinda thought I had done all my crying, until my appointment and I fell to piece again. I am doing better today though..I know my savior is helping me alot through this. I'm very grateful to have the people in my life that have been so wonderful to me during all of this. JJ has been taking really good care of me since we have gotten home and making sure I'm ok and just holding me when I need to cry, I'm very thankful to have him. My mom was the one that took me yesterday since JJ had worked the past 2 nights and had to go in last night and she has been wonderful just to comfort me and help give me insights and a good outlook on it all. I'm thankful for the friends I have too..they are always there when I need to talk or vent about things and that has helped so much. I swear there is one who always knows when I need to laugh and makes me about pee my pants everytime we talk, I laughed for a good 20 minutes last night over one thing that was said and I really needed that! Thank you to everyone who has commented or sent me messages and for all your concern...its been something difficult to go through but I know everything happens for a reason and there was some reason that little spirit wasn't suppose to be here right now...but I am very hopefully to one day be able to meet them and hold them in my arms:) Thats what I'm holding on to the most right now!

Trying to Deal

As many of you know from facebook or my past post we are on vacation right now in Palm Desert, California! We have had a blast and went to San Diego for a couple of days as well...its been a great time seeing Kyler in a different environment than at home and experiencing all these new things for him. I will post on it more when we get home.
As for what this post is about though, I've been contemplating even sharing what has went on with me but as I sit here in the room all by myself I'm filled with all sorts of emotions and feel I just need to get things off my mind somewhere and so this is where I picked to do so. I'm not sharing this to get peoples pity or for people to feel sorry for me..thats not what I want!! I just am trying to get past this and hoping this may help.
It maybe premature to some, since I haven't actually been to the doctor to confirm it..but have talked to her and I'm about 98% sure I miscarried this past weekend and from what my doctor said to her it sounds like I did as well. I would have never thought it would affect me so much, especially since I really didn't know I was pregnant. I felt like I was but I had tested about 4 weeks ago and it said No, but I would have only been around 3 weeks at that time so I wasn't sure if it would have been able to pick it up yet. I figured I'd wait and see if I was late and then I'd test again..this type of testing thing happened when I was pregnant with Kyler so I just thought we'll wait and see. I won't get into alot of detail about what exactly happened since its kinda TMI and I'm sure it would make some people sick. When I talked to my doctor she told me I could test again even though I may have lost it my hormone levels still would be elevated now and would probably be at the point where it would be able to pick it up, so off to walmart I went. I got back and took the test and sure enough it came up positive..everyone keeps telling me I still might be pregnant but with what I saw and the way I feel I honestly don't think I am. I will be going to the doctor when I get back to check everything out, but I don't have my hopes up at all. For about the past month I've had the symptoms I did when I got pregnant with Kyler and just within he past few days alot of those are gone..even though my emotions are all over the place. I have pretty much cried everytime I am by myself...I just keep thinking of all the things I've done in the past few weeks that could have caused it or what I could have done to prevent it. I have loved our vacation but its also hard being away from home while I'm dealing with this..phone calls and text from my mom and best friends just aren't the same as having them in person to try and comfort me. Everytime I see Kyler doing something I think I about had another one and would have one day been doing the samethings..and how it warms my heart when he smiles and to have had another one that would do the same would just be amazing. I know at some point we will try for another one..I just am having a hard time thinking of such a sweet spirit passing away, with out me even getting to meet them. I don't know how some people get through losing their little ones when they are further along and have been able to bond with them because I hadn't even had that and am a mess.I know it is for the better! Because at least they don't have to live in this very sinful world with all of the evil surrounding us..and that they can be in heaven and do what the Lord needs them to there. I know I will be able to meet them someday and that thought makes me happier, I am so grateful for the plan of salvation and for my Savior!!